Recently, a client contacted me to talk about the guilt and embarrassment he felt when talking to his wife about sex. Indeed, over the years, I’ve heard this concern many times. Not surprisingly, he came from a conservative Christian background.
While it is no secret that Christianity has had its problems with sex, many do not know that it was not always that way. Over the years, I’ve discovered that getting to know the history of how sex became an embarrassment helps explain the real source of the underlying conflict. Likewise, increased understanding reduces embarrassment and shame. So, let’s take a look.
A Brief History of the Early Church’s Views toward Sex
Jesus and Paul on Sex
Frankly, the New Testament doesn’t record Jesus talking about sex nor does it say anything about his sex life. We do know that he had compassion and did not shame the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).
Stepping back, Christianity’s problem with sex begins with Jesus’s and his early followers’ belief that the end of the world was near and that the Kingdom of God was at hand. (Mark 1:15) Paul believed that Jesus would return and bring in the new age within his own lifetime. (Thessalonians 4:15–17).
From this point of view, sex becomes unimportant. The Kingdom of God initiated by Jesus was a spiritual reality. In it, male and female distinctions and sex would no longer exist. (Gal. 3:28)
And here is an important fact that is often overlooked. Even in this Apocalyptic context, early Christians did not have a negative view of sex. They shared Jewish beliefs, which held that sex was fine within the bounds of marriage. Sex for early Christians was not a negative thing. The Origins of Christian Teachings on Human Sexuality – World History Encyclopedia
The Delay of the Parousia and the Crisis Over Sex
Christianity’s problem with sex stems from the fact that Jesus’ expected return did not happen. The delay of the Parousia, as it was called, would, over the next few centuries, create a major crisis for the faithful in many ways, including their views about sex.
For example, it is easy to forget that Jesus was Jewish and the Christian church did not exist during his lifetime or even in the years immediately after his death. What is referred to as the Early Church or Early Christianity was not an organized or uniform institution as we understand it today. It was a collection of believers who met in private homes to remember Jesus’ life, death and message of hope.
The church, as an institution, emerged over the first few centuries in the wake of Jesus’ failure to return. Its theology and doctrines, including those regarding sex, emerged over time from theological reflection and not the actual words of Jesus.
Why is Christianity embarrassed by sex? Because its very existence is a reminder that Christ has not returned.
Saint Augustine’s Guilt about Sex
The pivotal moment in the church’s evolution of a sexual doctrine came with the writings of the Bishop of Hippo, St. Augustine. Prior to his influence, the Early Church accepted sexuality. It even required its leaders to be married (1 Tim 3:2, Titus 6).
This all changed with Augustine. He was a man of extraordinary talent, but he was also plagued by guilt over his ribald life prior to his conversion to Christianity. His sexual excesses seem to have left him with a zealous rage against his former indulgences.
Ironically, his views regarding sex came to light as the church debated sacramental issues. Specifically, the question was whether infant baptism was necessary for the child’s salvation.
While some felt baptism unnecessary due to a newborn’s innocence, Austine objected. He argued that although an infant may not have sinned, they were not sinless since they had been contaminated in their conception. In one of the most absurd theological rationalizations, Augustine argued that the experience of pleasure (lust) during sex conferred the original sin of Adam and Eve onto the child (the fertilized egg), ( On Marriage and Concupiscence (Book II) and On the Merits and Forgiveness of Sins, and on the Baptism of Infants)
The Impact of St. Augustin’s Views on Sex
It is no exaggeration to say that Augustine’s position radically changed Christianity’s stance on sex. Unlike Jewish and earlier Christian beliefs, Augustine’s unresolved guilt over his own sexual excesses was translated into harsh doctrines that would dominate the Christian church’s view of sex for centuries to come.
It’s not clear why his views were so attractive to the Early Church. That said, Augustine’s emphasis on sin and guilt provided a helpful distraction to Jesus’ absence.
Emotionally, the Church exploited sexual guilt and shame by declaring that naturally occurring erotic impulses and feelings were sinful. Christianity, Sex & Shame | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Comedian George Carlin observed the emotional dilemma Augustine created. Even though rationally, sex was redeemed through marriage, the sacrament could not completely erase the emotional shame and negativity connected to it. How the Church Makes People Terrified of Sex – RELEVANT
Due to Augustine’s influence, the doctrine of sexual purity was elevated. Institutionally, celibacy was required for priests and marriage was banned from the priesthood.
With this background in mind, it’s easy to understand why future generations have had trouble feeling good about sex.
Tips for Overcoming Shame and Guilt about Sex
Despite this complex history, Christians need to know that they don’t have to feel guilty about sex. It is acceptable to acknowledge that Augustine’s views may seem preposterous today. Whatever your past experience, it’s possible to shed the guilt and experience your sexuality in joyous ways.
Here are some tips to help:
- Start by understanding, without judging yourself.
- Identify the negative experiences that created negative associations about sex.
- Learn about human biology and normal sexuality.
- Distinguish normal curiosity and interest from obsessive behavior.
When there is a behavioral problem with sex:
- Discover and address the underlying anxiety that you seek to escape through sex.
- Focus on learning ways to control unwanted behavior.
- Adjust unrealistic expectations you may have about sex.
- If necessary, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. October 3, 2025
