TIPS FOR DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION
It is no exaggeration to say that our society, especially political rhetoric, is more uncivil than ever before. Profanity and personal insults explode in places that were once unthinkable. There are many ways to describe rhetorical incivility, but psychologists and counselors call such uncouth behavior emotional dysregulation.
While we can’t control our politicians or the media, we can learn to manage our own emotional dysregulation and deal with others who are out of control.
To summarize from the outset, the key to regaining rational control of our emotions is to recognize it, understand what causes irrational behavior, and to know how to de-escalate it. Today, I want to explain the basic neuroscience of dysregulation and offer some tips for de-escalating those unpleasant situations.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION ?
Emotional dysregulation (EmDy) is defined as an inability to rationally control emotional responses to stressful situations. EmDy is recognized most commonly by intense and disproportionate expressions of anger, shame, sadness, or panic, such as profanity, Yelling, name-calling, and/or exaggerated assaults on persons or property that are much larger or more severe than the trigger. Emotion Regulation: Tips & Strategies for Managing
Some Basic Brain Physiology
Recent advances in neuroscience help us to understand why we lose it. The problem all starts with the complex nature of our brain. To begin, the brain is not simply rational. In addition to the conscious part, the medial prefrontal cortex, the human brain also contains an unconscious, instinctive part, called the limbic system.
The primitive part of the brain, the limbic system, includes the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS functions outside of our awareness and controls things like breathing, heart rate, and digestion. The amygdala is a core part of the ANS and continually scans input from our five senses for danger.
Understanding a Panic Reaction
When danger is detected, a fight-or-flight alert goes out, slowing/blocking access to the prefrontal cortex. (This is because, in a crisis, there is not time to think over response options.)
The level of actual threat is what distinguishes a dysregulated reaction from a normal one. Dysregulated reactions stem from a distorted sensory perception created by a damaged nervous system. Inherited anxiety disorders or trauma account for these distortions.
An exaggerated reaction results from an unwarranted panic response.
Calming Emotional Dysregulation: Tips to Restore Rational Control
- Recognizing the false sense of panic is the first step to regaining emotional control. Identifying the part of your body (such as your chest, gut, lower back, jaw, etc.) that tenses first shows you are entering a distressed state.
- Distancing from the toxic stimulus, the perception of a threat, will begin to restore a sense of safety. For example, if you are talking to someone on the phone, end the conversation. If talking in person, leave the area. If watching something on a computer, phone or television, turn it off . TIPS FOR PANIC | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
- Splashing water on your face or holding ice cubes in your hands helps to interrupt the panic reaction. Best of all, take a cold shower. Lowering your body temperature even one degree can interrupt panic reactions. Using the Diver’s Reflex to Regulate Emotional Intensity – Kind Mind Psychology
- Non-demand neural activity, like meditation, listening to music, or taking a walk, can help you return to reason, usually within ten minutes. TIPS FOR PANIC | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Dealing with Emotional Dysregulation in Others
Remember, reasoning with a deregulated person does not help. Panicking folks can neither hear accurately nor think clearly.
Accepting, understanding, and empathizing with the person’s feelings calms. Conversely, telling a person to “calm down” is completely useless. Likewise, threatening or ordering them to calm down is of little use. Emotion Regulation: Tips & Strategies for Managing Dysregulation
Being in the presence of a dysregulated/panicked person is not easy; in fact, it can be scary. If you want to help, though, it’s usually best to say nothing. Nodding and using other gestures that express understanding and acceptance are best.
Most folks in emotional distress simply want to be heard, understood and not criticized. If you can hang in there, things will calm down dramatically within a few minutes.
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The struggle to regulate our emotions and be civil to one another in conflict is the challenge of civilized society. While anger and incivility are natural reactions when stressed, practice can help us civilize our discourse and increase empathy and understanding in our relationships and social encounters.
Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC 11 01 2026
